A Cycle Of Heartbreaks

Seriously, lahat na lang ba ng magiging blog ko tungkol sa pagiging broken- hearted?

But anyway...

These days, I've been hearing a lot from my cousins and friends about them experiencing the same thing over and over and over again. Being the single (most expectedly the one with a lot of advice) one, I should always have to say something. And now, I'm writing a blog about it and the next time they ask me for something to say, I'll just have them read this.

First, the reason why we experience the same things repeatedly is because we fail to avoid what we once did wrong. Like for example: he said sorry, you forgave him, he did it again, you left him, he said he was sorry, you took him back. This is pretty much the reason why we suffer. It is basically because we are so reluctant to even help ourselves. We say we're hurt, and hurt too much, but once the pain comes knocking in, we still open the door, and hug it. Warm. As said in one of the books: "That's the thing with pain: it demands to be felt." And everybody just won't see it coming until it hits them between the eyes.

Second, you are in between a clash. A clash between your heart and your mind. And you don't have a way to get away from it. Or to choose.

My mom would always tell me to follow my heart, but I should take my brain with me. Because basically, my heart is a tiger that just got out of its cage. It has the 99% possibility of ruining everything. So does your heart. And I can tell you, the problem is you. Not your heart nor your brain. You know what to do, just what was exactly right and you'd be stupid enough to do the wrong one, and end up being hurt, again. And complain about everything.

Finally, stop being an askhole (one who asks for advice then do the exact opposite). From the person (you asked)'s point of view, that is what will keep you from hurting yourself. 

Idk, just stop being stupid. 

Enough?

          The last seven years of my life was spent knowing him. How he was to his family, friends, and even in school. Half of my existence up to now includes him. And for the past seven years, he's been dealing with me and my dramas.

           Now, he's being the jerk he claims he's always been. He says stuff that could hurt me and then take them back the next week. He's all sweets for a minute and treat me like shit the next one. I, myself is pretty confused with what is going on. I honestly find it hard to get used to these kinds of stuff. I am the type that hates changes, alters, or whatever. I do not like change. This is what surprises me. When it comes to him, I always forget what I do and do not like. When it comes to him, I think everything would be just fine. It is as if Connor Franta not checking on his phone is just as alright. It is as if Jc Caylen not seeing Wishbone for a day is alright. It is as if Ricky Dillon not twerking for a day is alright. It is as if not breathing for an hour would be just fine! I lost track. I think all these sudden happenings and twists and changes and all these stuff are the ones to blame.

          Going back... I told a few of my friends about this, and all they've got to say is: "He's so stupid!" "Like a girl." "So unpredictable!" and everything negative. I was pretty hurt for him. But I know I should not. Life is just so hard!!!

          It's clearer than clear that I have been hurt too much, but I cannot say that I have had enough. I don't know. I just... I cannot just turn my back on everything we have had. I know this is only the 2nd time he's doing this, but everything is just... falling apart. I know there's still a room somewhere inside me for forgiveness. A space reserved for him. ONLY. But if I ask myself: will he be coming back to his old self? I will just be lost in track again.

           By this time, I am more confused. Is it even right to say it out in the internet? (Of course, yes. You need someone to know!) Anyway, I've been killed multiple times by this. And it kills me once again when I thought of the 'what- ifs'. What if things get worse because I did not prevent it from happening? or worse... What if I leave everything behind now and then things start to get better and I cannot come back anymore? I honestly do not know.

          This feels like the boss level of choices. Is this the time to put myself first and breathe? Or hold on because he still needs me? How long's it gonna take? Will there be more to hurt me?

          HELP!

Gender: Is it really important?

Male, Female, Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Metro sexual - these are just some of the known genders of our world. But is gender really important? Do we disrespect somebody just because they aren't straight? I strongly disagree.

Our world is sprinkled with tons of judgmental people. These people include those who give a damn about everything. Like for example: people's gender. I don't think this is essential. I mean, people are always told they can be anything they want to be. But after they start being themselves, society comes judging them. Why can't just people have the freedom to move, speak and think like how they should? Why would gender be important? It's not us going to live that life. It's them. It's their life, they have rights regarding it. The point is, we should be productive for us to be human, and being productive doesn't mean being straight.

Many bent people are known to be highly productive that they even made more sense than the straight ones, yet they never said anything. Now, where is the equality straight people has been talking about?

All I'm trying to say is... if a guy feels like he's gay, let him be. If a girl likes a girl and feels lesbo, let her be. If one likes both men and women, and feels bi, let that person be. We should not care about what their gender says. As long as nobody's being aggrieved and no rights are being stepped on, let them be free to express who they really are. Who knows, the next person to contribute something big to the world happens to be not straight. We should not wait for that moment and have that idea smack us straight in the face.

Every single man has his own capabilities that can help somebody. Comes with this is his right to show how capable he is of something. But how can some people express their magic if they're being deprived right before they speak? This will hurt us if we experience it personally.

Just let people be the person they really are. What the gender says isn't what the intent says.

It is better to lose your pride in front of your loved one, than to lose your loved one because of your pride.

People, as we usually see them are selfish animals that would always fight for what they believe. Being this kind is in between of good and bad. I consider this good because, as we were taught when we were kids, we should fight for our thoughts. Somehow, this is also a negative. Most of us have heard the saying that goes: Everything that exceeds is bad. Sometimes, while focusing on being this warriors and knights of belief, we do not recognize we are already banging our own army.

            Being these usual selfish and dominant exultant hypocrites, we ought to often keep an enthralled eye onto our pride. We live by it that we even forget how and when to keep a hold on this. Frequently, we would hold it so tight and won’t let go until reality comes hitting us between the eyes. While we are crushing our palms against our pride and not wanting to let go, we do not see the possible upshots of being this attached. We might not see it clearly, but we are losing something more important, or worse, someone who matters.

            In this tangled situation inside a constantly changing realm, it is alright be wrong. This is what mealy humans do not know. They seem to always imagine life as if they will be head-shot when they admit they are somehow incorrect. All they have to keep in mind is life is not perfect, and so they do not have to be perfect as well.

            Let’s end with a piece of advice. Keep in our minds that apologizing does not always mean that you are wrong and the other right, sometimes we apologize because we value that person much more than our pride. You can never be happy only having your pride beside you. You need friends, and you cannot be happy with them if you have your high-rise pride meddle in between.