Enough?

          The last seven years of my life was spent knowing him. How he was to his family, friends, and even in school. Half of my existence up to now includes him. And for the past seven years, he's been dealing with me and my dramas.

           Now, he's being the jerk he claims he's always been. He says stuff that could hurt me and then take them back the next week. He's all sweets for a minute and treat me like shit the next one. I, myself is pretty confused with what is going on. I honestly find it hard to get used to these kinds of stuff. I am the type that hates changes, alters, or whatever. I do not like change. This is what surprises me. When it comes to him, I always forget what I do and do not like. When it comes to him, I think everything would be just fine. It is as if Connor Franta not checking on his phone is just as alright. It is as if Jc Caylen not seeing Wishbone for a day is alright. It is as if Ricky Dillon not twerking for a day is alright. It is as if not breathing for an hour would be just fine! I lost track. I think all these sudden happenings and twists and changes and all these stuff are the ones to blame.

          Going back... I told a few of my friends about this, and all they've got to say is: "He's so stupid!" "Like a girl." "So unpredictable!" and everything negative. I was pretty hurt for him. But I know I should not. Life is just so hard!!!

          It's clearer than clear that I have been hurt too much, but I cannot say that I have had enough. I don't know. I just... I cannot just turn my back on everything we have had. I know this is only the 2nd time he's doing this, but everything is just... falling apart. I know there's still a room somewhere inside me for forgiveness. A space reserved for him. ONLY. But if I ask myself: will he be coming back to his old self? I will just be lost in track again.

           By this time, I am more confused. Is it even right to say it out in the internet? (Of course, yes. You need someone to know!) Anyway, I've been killed multiple times by this. And it kills me once again when I thought of the 'what- ifs'. What if things get worse because I did not prevent it from happening? or worse... What if I leave everything behind now and then things start to get better and I cannot come back anymore? I honestly do not know.

          This feels like the boss level of choices. Is this the time to put myself first and breathe? Or hold on because he still needs me? How long's it gonna take? Will there be more to hurt me?

          HELP!